[Because he wants to enjoy this, completely, utterly, not have to worry, but every week, someone has died. Every week, there's a trial. Every week, there's an execution. Every week, people pour out of some other world, harmed. There's so much to worry about. So much to consider. He can't help it. He remembers a certain man he strived so hard to protect, and when he died, he took it upon himself as his own personal failure.]
[He can't let Kotetsu be a failure. He can't. He can't allow that.]
[He tugs the other man closer, as if he could just keep him here, in his arms, and never let go.]
...I'm sorry. [He murmurs.] I...didn't mean to bring this whole mood down. I'm...really sorry.
[ Kotetsu shifts with the tugging, arms wrapping tighter around Sholmes. His head shakes softly. He knows. He gets it. He's been in the ring, after all. He's had to take a life with his own hands and keep carrying on. Moving forward. But things still hurt. Some things just don't go away.
They can enjoy themselves, have glimmers of warmth. Security. But there's always that lingering of what if he's next... The one conversation with Alphinaud hangs at the back of his mind, even in the bliss he'd felt. ]
Don't. You don't have to ever apologize for that. Sholmes, I-
[ He hesitates, choking on his words for a moment. Finley stands from her spot and just curls around the both of them, still lingering in his lion form during all this. ]
I love you, you know? I'm not here just for the good times. I'm here for all of you. All of this. It's you being honest with me. It's not easy, but... I appreciate you're not just pretending to be fine.
[He blinks, nods, and its like he's hearing those words at the end of a tunnel, for a moment, because the way his heart races is overwhelming.]
Kotetsu.
[Do I deserve this? Can I have this? Can I have you for my own? Can I be happy? Can I be sure, safe, secure in the fact you'll never leave? What did I do to have you? What blessings did I receive to hold you in my arms?]
[He shudders. Irene jumps behind Kotetsu, moving to nuzzle at Finley's face. She's not big enough to touch the both of them like her partner can.]
...Thank you. [Is what he can think to say at the moment, flummoxed, his eyes filling with tears. His hand goes up to brush over the other's head, lightly.] For you...I'll be honest. I'll be as honest as I ever could be. You deserve that.
[Saying "I love you" back is...a big step he's still too nervous to take, but actions speak louder than words. He hopes that's apparent. He desperately hopes so.]
[ See, Kotetsu never said it expecting anything in return. Not in words, least. He knows that there's a depth to Sholmes' feelings. He literally felt it over the last week. So this is fine.
Relaxing some against him, Finley shifts. It's brief, but she shrinks down to her Maine Coon form for a moment before Kotetsu reminds himself of the dangers, settling back into her Tiger form as she shifts to get back into a comfortable spot with Sholmes, Kotetsu and Irene. ]
I know that's not easy for you... but I trust you. I'll always trust you.
[ And he believes that. It pains him to know that he does have some lingering doubts, concerns, worries over others that he has grown to know... but this pattern. This cycle. Who will fall next? ]
[And that trust is such a heavy thing. It makes him to protect the man more fiercely than ever before, because even as he dances through life, he wants to take the people he cares for and shield them from the dangers he's more than aware of. Ever since Kotetsu told him about his role, he's been far more vigilant, cautious, because with the man's trust and life in his hands, he won't do anything to throw it away.]
And you understand...how much I trust you as well. [Irene rubs herself against Finley more, closing her eyes comfortably. Sholmes himself presses his lips against the man's neck.] Whatever you do...I'll go along with that. I'll ensure your safety and security in every way I can.
[ He knows it's a pretty heavy statement, but... it's true now. He has no idea what they're going to do at the end of this road trip, but... Well. He'll see once that crossroad is met. See what Sholmes truly desires.
But he sure can feel that, it gives him a little bit of giddy fluttering in his stomach. Ah... this is nice. ]
Thought we could try out some drinks. I never smoked, but there are some interesting sounding tobacco they have here. And I thought a certain pipe user might be interested. And some easy to eat snacks...
[ Of course there's probably some water there to take with their alcohol. But he really did work hard to get this together for them, running many errands yesterday and through the day when he could. ]
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[ With Sholmes' head being against his neck, he rubs his jaw lightly against him in a sort of nuzzle.
Oh, maybe I should point out that Finley might have shifted to a lion back here. Currently curled up a bit. ]
We've both got something very important to protect.
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[Because he wants to enjoy this, completely, utterly, not have to worry, but every week, someone has died. Every week, there's a trial. Every week, there's an execution. Every week, people pour out of some other world, harmed. There's so much to worry about. So much to consider. He can't help it. He remembers a certain man he strived so hard to protect, and when he died, he took it upon himself as his own personal failure.]
[He can't let Kotetsu be a failure. He can't. He can't allow that.]
[He tugs the other man closer, as if he could just keep him here, in his arms, and never let go.]
...I'm sorry. [He murmurs.] I...didn't mean to bring this whole mood down. I'm...really sorry.
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They can enjoy themselves, have glimmers of warmth. Security. But there's always that lingering of what if he's next... The one conversation with Alphinaud hangs at the back of his mind, even in the bliss he'd felt. ]
Don't. You don't have to ever apologize for that. Sholmes, I-
[ He hesitates, choking on his words for a moment. Finley stands from her spot and just curls around the both of them, still lingering in his lion form during all this. ]
I love you, you know? I'm not here just for the good times. I'm here for all of you. All of this. It's you being honest with me. It's not easy, but... I appreciate you're not just pretending to be fine.
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[I love you, you know?]
[He blinks, nods, and its like he's hearing those words at the end of a tunnel, for a moment, because the way his heart races is overwhelming.]
Kotetsu.
[Do I deserve this? Can I have this? Can I have you for my own? Can I be happy? Can I be sure, safe, secure in the fact you'll never leave? What did I do to have you? What blessings did I receive to hold you in my arms?]
[He shudders. Irene jumps behind Kotetsu, moving to nuzzle at Finley's face. She's not big enough to touch the both of them like her partner can.]
...Thank you. [Is what he can think to say at the moment, flummoxed, his eyes filling with tears. His hand goes up to brush over the other's head, lightly.] For you...I'll be honest. I'll be as honest as I ever could be. You deserve that.
[Saying "I love you" back is...a big step he's still too nervous to take, but actions speak louder than words. He hopes that's apparent. He desperately hopes so.]
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Relaxing some against him, Finley shifts. It's brief, but she shrinks down to her Maine Coon form for a moment before Kotetsu reminds himself of the dangers, settling back into her Tiger form as she shifts to get back into a comfortable spot with Sholmes, Kotetsu and Irene. ]
I know that's not easy for you... but I trust you. I'll always trust you.
[ And he believes that. It pains him to know that he does have some lingering doubts, concerns, worries over others that he has grown to know... but this pattern. This cycle. Who will fall next? ]
No matter what happens.
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[And that trust is such a heavy thing. It makes him to protect the man more fiercely than ever before, because even as he dances through life, he wants to take the people he cares for and shield them from the dangers he's more than aware of. Ever since Kotetsu told him about his role, he's been far more vigilant, cautious, because with the man's trust and life in his hands, he won't do anything to throw it away.]
And you understand...how much I trust you as well. [Irene rubs herself against Finley more, closing her eyes comfortably. Sholmes himself presses his lips against the man's neck.] Whatever you do...I'll go along with that. I'll ensure your safety and security in every way I can.
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[ He's always understood that. He's been willing to let this be a one way street all along, but now... now he is certain that isn't the case. ]
You're the greatest ally I could ever have. I know how dedicated you are.
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[He feels like his ears are burning a little. Also can you believe they're having this conversation dressed as they are.]
Your praise makes the heart sing, you know.
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Good. Because despite all we're going through, I want to make you as happy as possible.
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[He moves his head back to kiss him gently.]
Keep up the good work, Kotetsu.
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Yessir...
[ And just... hugs him tight. ]
Since we're already on some serious topics... Did Rex come and talk to you?
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[A slight frown, as he reaches to play a little with the other's hair, lazily.]
He did apologize for his little curse. So at least that accounts for one of the two of them.
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[ Hopefully Sholmes picks up on which he means because he'd rather not specify the Bertolt one as well as being voted on. And... all that. ]
I'm glad he followed through with talking to you.
[ He relaxes into the touch, too. ]
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[A click of the tongue and a sigh, leaning his head against the other. Yeah, he won't bring THAT trial up.]
Well, what's done is done. Can't say it was...all bad, no. [A beat.] It allowed me to connect to you, after all.
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[ He sighs and nuzzles Sholmes softly. ]
It's weird to feel kind of grateful for it... But I am.
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[He closes his eyes, happy for the continued touching.]
It is strange, yes? How only several weeks ago, I wished to have nothing to do with it. But now...
[Now they're dressed in a dress and a nun outfit and snuggling. Wow.]
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[ They've come a very long way in a very short while. ]
Now I can't imagine my life without you by my side.
[ Fate sure is a funny thing. He shifts a little to kiss the side of Sholmes' head, snuggling so comfortably with their daemons like this. ]
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[That's....a large statement, for sure.]
[He shudders, embracing closer...but the man can probably feel the way his heart races on hearing that. His ears feel like they're on fire.]
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But he sure can feel that, it gives him a little bit of giddy fluttering in his stomach. Ah... this is nice. ]
Yeah...
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[It really is a giddiness, of a kind. He gently shifts back, kissing the edge of the other's mouth, feeling warm, almost overwhelmed.]
So...you picked this room for a reason, didn't you?
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[ Not that they haven't been able to steal moments for themselves... This was secure. Just for them. ]
I bought some things for us to relax and enjoy ourselves.
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[Sort of glancing out of the corner of his eye at the table.]
What things have you brought?
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[ Of course there's probably some water there to take with their alcohol. But he really did work hard to get this together for them, running many errands yesterday and through the day when he could. ]