[He just cries silently for a moment, trying to be soothed by the other's embrace. It's working, somewhat. But it feels like everything is like a taut string, about to snap.]
[ He lightly nuzzles him, holding him so tenderly. His thumbs brush on his cheeks. ]
You're still Herlock Sholmes. The Greatest Detective and the man I fell in love with. I don't know what happened in there fully. I know you're hurting... Just like I was... still am. [ Killing someone doesn't just dissolve easily. ] But I believe in you. I know your heart... your soul.
I'm here. You're here. I won't be leaving you ever. Take all the time you need with this, I'll still be right beside you. For anything you need.
[He nods at that, after a moment. His gaze is still somewhere away. Like he's trying to pull attention away from whatever thoughts he was thinking.]
[Irene, in this moment of silence, nuzzles Finley, but then trots over to Kotetsu. She hops up into his lap, circling before flopping down, closing her eyes.]
You're a good man, Kotetsu. [He finally says, blinking back more tears.] Even the you that I saw was...ever so good to me.
[ He's surprised by Irene doing this, but he doesn't mind one bit. In fact, Finley is coming over to curl up to Sholmes, nuzzling at his side gently and resting her chin around him, curled protectively around him. ]
The me you saw...?
[ It was something that Sholmes was hinting at before, what happened... ]
You were there as a prisoner. We were...trying to infiltrate posing as prisoners ourselves, Mr. Joonghyuk and I. [...] I, of course, didn't recognize you. You didn't say anything. It was as if you were puppeted by something else.
[He's crying again. He can't help it. Hot, heavy tears slide over his cheeks.]
And when a fight broke out, you...suddenly rushed at the guard to protect me. And he shot you dead.
[...]
I didn't do a thing. Why would I? You were a stranger. But for a moment, I recognized you, and...
I'll never let that happen, Sholmes. I won't. I don't care what happens, but I will not let you be left alone. I might be a self-sacrificing idiot, but what kind of man would I be if I left you alone after all I've promised you?
I won't do it. I'll save us both. Sholmes, I'll never let you feel that kind of loneliness. You've been hurt enough. And we're in too deep to stop this. I won't let anyone use either of us against the other.
[There's an exhale. It feels like he's released a breath he didn't know he was holding.]
[How does he know how to say the right words, every time? That's just the kind of man he is. So determined to be for the ones he cares for, almost to a fault. He won't leave. What a joy and relief that is. He won't leave...]
[He reaches up his only hand to cup the other's cheek, leaning in to kiss him on the forehead.]
[ It goes both ways. Whenever he's been at his weakest, most insecure and uncertain, Sholmes has been there to help him through. Perhaps they're each others' weakness, but they're also each others' strength.
He also lets out a bit of a sigh of relief. He knows these things don't just go away, but they can share that weight together. Maybe more weight is being added on, but they're carrying it together. Stronger than anything together. ]
Always your idiot. Just like you're mine.
[ There's a half smile from that. But he does glance at Sholmes' missing hand. ]
[He just rests his forehead against the other's, now, sighing - and then the other draws attention to his stump. Ah. Yes. That.]
Mm. I'm not so eager as to jump into offers out of the blue. I wished to return to it with a clear mind. It's more than asking for some markers, you know...?
[ Even if Baraqiel called Sholmes his idiot during trial. But shhh. He lets his hands slip from Sholmes' face and reaches to tenderly take it, watching to see if it hurts, trying to be gentle. ]
That's fair. I... wonder if it matters what side you talk to, too. Admittedly, I demanded his help before I could even think. I was so, so scared. [ Hey, someone else was traumatized a bit tonight. But he's too focused on Sholmes' trauma to worry about that part. ]
He said it'd be a favor, but you're right... that there could be a catch.
[It doesn't hurt! It's just closed up. A nice little stump. He watches as Kotetsu touches over it.]
...It's alright. I understand. [His tone is soothing - goodness knows, he might have done the same thing, now knowing about these offers one can make with the Watchers, for healing.] But as I said, I'll consider it. Don't you worry. After all...how could I play violin for you like this?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'm here... I'm okay.
[ He won't make Sholmes say that. Not if he doesn't want to. He can tell how shaken he is, but... he does want to know what happened to him. ]
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[He just cries silently for a moment, trying to be soothed by the other's embrace. It's working, somewhat. But it feels like everything is like a taut string, about to snap.]
Hah. This is real, isn't it?
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[ He turns his head to kiss the side of Sholmes' head, closing his eyes. ]
If you don't want to talk about what happened, I won't make you. But I'm worried. Tell me whatever you need.
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...I was...someone else.
[...]
My memories weren't my own. I was acting on memories that were...someone else's.
[And his voice lowers into a whisper.]
I tried to kill them all. No, I didn't just try. I did.
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[ To who he was? Who did he kill?
His arms instinctively tighten around Sholmes, trying to give him the best comfort he can. Which feels so limited right now. ]
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[...]
I killed Mr. Joonghyuk. I killed...Miss Nanaly. And I was...I was ready to kill Miss Susato. Just like that.
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But that wasn't you. You said it was someone else's memories.
[ He shakes his head, pulling back some to try to get Sholmes to look at him. To hold his face with both of his hands. ]
No... that's not fair of me to say to you. You had to go through that. Feel it. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry...
[ Quietly, leaning his head forward to rest his forehead against Sholmes'. ]
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[And he can't meet the other's eyes like this. He casts his gaze down and away, even as they press their foreheads together.]
You have...absolutely nothing to apologize for. Please.
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[ He lightly nuzzles him, holding him so tenderly. His thumbs brush on his cheeks. ]
You're still Herlock Sholmes. The Greatest Detective and the man I fell in love with. I don't know what happened in there fully. I know you're hurting... Just like I was... still am. [ Killing someone doesn't just dissolve easily. ] But I believe in you. I know your heart... your soul.
I'm here. You're here. I won't be leaving you ever. Take all the time you need with this, I'll still be right beside you. For anything you need.
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[He nods at that, after a moment. His gaze is still somewhere away. Like he's trying to pull attention away from whatever thoughts he was thinking.]
[Irene, in this moment of silence, nuzzles Finley, but then trots over to Kotetsu. She hops up into his lap, circling before flopping down, closing her eyes.]
You're a good man, Kotetsu. [He finally says, blinking back more tears.] Even the you that I saw was...ever so good to me.
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The me you saw...?
[ It was something that Sholmes was hinting at before, what happened... ]
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[When he speaks, his voice sounds hoarse again.]
You were there as a prisoner. We were...trying to infiltrate posing as prisoners ourselves, Mr. Joonghyuk and I. [...] I, of course, didn't recognize you. You didn't say anything. It was as if you were puppeted by something else.
[He's crying again. He can't help it. Hot, heavy tears slide over his cheeks.]
And when a fight broke out, you...suddenly rushed at the guard to protect me. And he shot you dead.
[...]
I didn't do a thing. Why would I? You were a stranger. But for a moment, I recognized you, and...
[It was horrifying, in so many ways.]
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His thumbs gently brush away the tears. His heart aches. ]
Hey... Hey, look at me. Just for a moment.
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[It's done with some reluctance, but he looks up, quietly.]
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I'll never let that happen, Sholmes. I won't. I don't care what happens, but I will not let you be left alone. I might be a self-sacrificing idiot, but what kind of man would I be if I left you alone after all I've promised you?
I won't do it. I'll save us both. Sholmes, I'll never let you feel that kind of loneliness. You've been hurt enough. And we're in too deep to stop this. I won't let anyone use either of us against the other.
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[There's an exhale. It feels like he's released a breath he didn't know he was holding.]
[How does he know how to say the right words, every time? That's just the kind of man he is. So determined to be for the ones he cares for, almost to a fault. He won't leave. What a joy and relief that is. He won't leave...]
[He reaches up his only hand to cup the other's cheek, leaning in to kiss him on the forehead.]
Hah. That's my idiot, yes.
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He also lets out a bit of a sigh of relief. He knows these things don't just go away, but they can share that weight together. Maybe more weight is being added on, but they're carrying it together. Stronger than anything together. ]
Always your idiot. Just like you're mine.
[ There's a half smile from that. But he does glance at Sholmes' missing hand. ]
Why didn't you take Rameel's offer...?
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[Totally not his idiot!!]
[He just rests his forehead against the other's, now, sighing - and then the other draws attention to his stump. Ah. Yes. That.]
Mm. I'm not so eager as to jump into offers out of the blue. I wished to return to it with a clear mind. It's more than asking for some markers, you know...?
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[ Even if Baraqiel called Sholmes his idiot during trial. But shhh. He lets his hands slip from Sholmes' face and reaches to tenderly take it, watching to see if it hurts, trying to be gentle. ]
That's fair. I... wonder if it matters what side you talk to, too. Admittedly, I demanded his help before I could even think. I was so, so scared. [ Hey, someone else was traumatized a bit tonight. But he's too focused on Sholmes' trauma to worry about that part. ]
He said it'd be a favor, but you're right... that there could be a catch.
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...It's alright. I understand. [His tone is soothing - goodness knows, he might have done the same thing, now knowing about these offers one can make with the Watchers, for healing.] But as I said, I'll consider it. Don't you worry. After all...how could I play violin for you like this?
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Ah... I would love to hear you play. I can almost imagine it... somewhere safe, far from here. Under an expansive sky of stars without any worries.
[ Not that he'd mind if Sholmes were to play violin for him here, but the scene sounds... like bliss. ]
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[He kisses him back, softly...and for the first time in his conversation, there's a light smile on his face.]
Need to add that to your list of skills.
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[ He gives him another gentle kiss, glad to see Sholmes feeling at least a little better. ]
And you're one of them.
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[A light huff, another kiss. Soft. So very soft.]
Thank you. For everything.
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[ More tender kisses. Just gentle and reassuring. Nothing more from them.
Should mention that at some point in the conversation, Finley has, in fact, turned back into a tiger. ]