sponsoredby | sholmes catchall

[ Sorry that he isn't responding to this touch. He's registering it, but he feels so vacant. ]

I don't know, Sholmes... I couldn't even... get to her body.

I...

[ He swallows hard. ]

I also died.

[ As he says that, he subconscious looks over at the holy grail sitting beside him. ]

[He bumps his forehead against the other, but his gaze is also on the holy grail.]

...What happened? How did you die?

They killed Finley. You saw her injuries.

[ His soul died, so thus he died. ]

Oh, goodness.

[A low sigh, more stroking of the hair.]

I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please... [A kiss to the cheek, his eyes wet with tears. He's so relieved, but Kotetsu is like this, and there's no skill of a great detective that can just. Fix anything here.] If there's anything I can do for you...

[ He shakes his head, defeated. ]

If I can't even protect her, what can I hope to protect ever?

[ And his voice cracks. That emptiness fills with sheer sorrow. It's like he's lost all his purpose in life. What is he even fighting for if he can't help her? ]

Don't...don't you dare think that.

[And through the sorrow burns something, a flare of determination - he uses a hand to clutch at the other's cheek to turn him gently to look at him, face to face.]

I know who you are, Kotetsu Kaburagi. You are...a hero, a protector, and someone who has been doing nothing but that since the very moment you arrived here. I will not let some damned illusion persuade you that you're anything but.

[Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he's just focused, fiery, unable to let this go.]

Just because you were put in a situation where the odds were against you as a way to intentionally cause you harm does not prove anything. They wished to break your spirit. And I won't have them doing that, not under my watch, not while I'm here to tell you the truth, forever and always.

[ His words feel sharp on him. Even if they're meant to comfort, it's like tearing at the wounds. But perhaps that might be a good thing. It's better than that hollow feeling he'd been mulling in.

His face tightens up as he looks at Sholmes and he can't. He can't keep that firm gaze met and tries to pull away. To look away. Though, he doesn't have the strength he normally does. It's a weak attempt.

Finley isn't shaking as much, weakly pulling her face from where it's hiding, looking to Irene. ]

How do you know it's not real? How can you be so sure? The pain... the injuries. They didn't go away. Those were real, Sholmes. So how do you know she wasn't?

Because I went through the same thing. And...I know it, because people we knew were there. People from here.

[He shudders, trying, trying so hard, because Kotetsu said he wouldn't leave him, and he wants to fulfill that promise right back. Irene preens Finley with her beak, gentle, soothing.]

How could you be there, and die in front of me, and...be here, alive? How could Mr. Dokja cut off my hand, and then stand here, unknowing? Kotetsu....Kotetsu....

[He shakes his head.]

Our pain and injuries are real. But the things you saw and heard are not. Believe me. If there's one thing you can do, it's...believe in me. Because I believe in your goodness and kindness so deeply, that I shan't let this blasted place make you think otherwise.

[ At that, he leans forward and shoves his face against Sholmes' neck while he wraps his arms around him tight. Just like he clung to the chalice before, he now clings to Sholmes as if it's the only thing keeping him grounded anymore.

His shoulders shake as he silently cries against his neck.

With the voice he recalls, he knows Sholmes has to be speaking the truth. After all... After all... ]

I could here Tomoe again. The disappointment. Calling me a failure...

[ Maybe he'd also expected that from Sholmes? How cruel of him to think that, this man that has every bit of faith in him and gives him unyielding support. ]

Maybe you're right, but I still failed... and A-Qing died for it, too. I...

[ He hesitates a moment. ]

Finley only has three forms now.

[ What does that mean?? ]

[He just lets him cry, but he holds him, holds him like he's the only thing here that matters in this world. Because in a way, he is.]

[He has a sharp intake of breath at the mention of his wife's name.]

You're not. You're not. Never to me.

[He's about to say that A-Qing is alright, but...]

[The last statement stops him cold.]

What? Because...because she died? [...] The knife...do you...d-do you still have the knife?

[He assumes that's the connection, but...what could it mean?]

[ He hangs on those words. If he can't believe in himself... maybe he could try to trust in Sholmes' words to carry him forward. For now, at least. He needs something to ground him.

He shakes his head softly. ]

I still have it. I think it was because we died and the grail resurrected us. She no longer has her lion form.

[ Hence rabbit instead. And why she's even uncomfortable like this in that form. But he... worries if this means he lost part of is soul. ]

The...wait a second. The grail, as in...holy? Holy Grail?

[holy shit we're fate/ now (is shot)]

[But he is sparing a glance at the grail before turning back to Kotetsu.]

You know...have you ever heard of a daemon settling?

Yes, that's what it is. It protected us from the miasma before...

[ yeah, about that...

He shakes his head a bit at that. ]

I think Allen was asking about something like that. I know Finley tends to stay in her tiger form, but... What have you heard about it?

Apparently the Lieutenant asked a Watcher of the phenomenon. He was informed that a traumatic experience of an epiphany about one's self identity could make it occur.

[He frowns.]

Initially, I just thought it was simply "the event occurs, and the daemon stops changing". But perhaps it's more "the more trauma one undergoes, the less forms a daemon has available until it sticks to one". It is simply a theory, but...perhaps that is what is happening.

[ He slumps against Sholmes and shrugs a bit. ]

Maybe, but then... I don't understand why it'd be that form of all of them.

[Sholmes lets out a sigh, holding him close and kissing his cheek, lightly.]

...What do you think that form meant to you? I always noticed Finley as a lion when you were feeling agitated...

[ He lets him, finally leaning more into the attention. ]

My confidence... whenever I started to doubt myself. You were really good at getting her out of that form.

I see. Well, perhaps not so bad a sign, then?

[He strokes through his hair, gently.]

Perhaps it is a good omen of the doubts you are leaving behind.

This is the least confident I've felt... ever. Maybe it's because she was in that form when she died.

[ Wrong, but he has no idea about that. ]

...Has anything hurt Irene while you've had her?

Hm.

[Then that theory is moot, perhaps.]

[And he shakes his head.]

Not as far as I recall, no.

I... hope it stays that way.

[ This is, unfortunately, not the first time he's felt his soul damaged. ]

If there's one thing I hope I can protect you from, it's that feeling.

...

[He holds him tighter, squeezes him at that but...gently. So gently.]

See? What did I tell you? You're a protector. And I have never felt more protected than when I am around you.

I honestly don't know what I can protect anymore. Or who I'm supposed to protect. The only thing I'm sure of anymore is you.

[ He still has his face partially buried, but he brings a hand up to touch Sholmes' cheek. ]

[He leans into that touch.]

[....His heart aches so fiercely for this man, its unbelievable.]

I'm glad that I can be your bedrock. [He turns his head slightly, kisses him on the palm of his hand.] But you can protect so much, here. So many look up to you. So...please. Believe in that too.

[ His nod is a bit weak as he shifts to rest his head on Sholmes' shoulder properly.

He moves his hand so that he's able to brush his fingers over the other man's lips. ]

It's so tiring, Sholmes. If they could only understand that taking these deals, taking these sides... They're all being used. Dragged into this war.

[ He sighs softly, there's more to their story. ]

That wasn't everything that happened down there. We saw... an angel.

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