[ He frowns at this. This is the last thing he'd expected from this meeting. Fractures happening, not them being united. He really was stupid to think this would work out.
People have their biases and people they hold fiercely close over others. He moves one hand from Irene to reach back and tug the hat off of Sholmes so that he can properly, awkwardly, thread his fingers through his hair. ]
Maybe I'm being petty, but I don't think you should be the one needing to get back in his "good graces." Yours was an honest mistake from information that we weren't given. All of us messed up not asking enough questions and taking things on blind faith that it'd be okay.
[ He screwed up with the limit thing, too. ]
All of us did things wrong. I don't want you taking all the blame for it, but that's exactly what they're doing. It isn't fair to you and it makes me pretty frustrated at them.
...I told Yuri I started to doubt my choice of joining the roles at all.
I did hound Mr. Escardos for his role, when he let things slip. Same with Mr. Lowell, though that was more of him asking if I had a role and then not providing anything in return...anyways, I made mistakes. I did. I will not pretend I didn't. I didn't think it would lead to this. I never wanted anyone, let alone the Watchers, to be hurt.
[He leans into that touch, but the heartache is still there, because he wanted this to work out. He wanted to help. And now, Xie Lian is mad at him.]
You...what? [He raises his head, surprised.] What did he say to that?
[ He promises. He'll address what he almost derailed them into. There's other important things first. But he keeps petting Sholmes and Irene. ]
Maybe you did, but it's in your nature to be like that, isn't it? Wanting to find things out. Always searching for answers. Trying to solve the case. I know you've been wanting to get everyone to their rightful place since the start. Your heart means well.
We just didn't have answers...
[ He pauses to think. ]
Where are you going to be sleeping tonight?
[ Because he doubts someone is going back to their room... ]
Maybe, but everyone makes those mistakes, too. I've hurt loved ones before out of trying to protect them. Even great detectives make mistakes. Don't think you're the only one to blame.
[ Oh, how true that is... But he also frowns. ]
I'll ask Diluc if he's okay with you staying with us. He's a good guy, so it'd probably be okay. If not... guess it looks like we'll be spending the night in the chapel together.
Also, Xie Lian made a point that I should have known after the incident with Mr. Van Zieks. Even though I assumed it meant one shouldn't speak in public, merely private...
[And he frowns.]
Kotetsu, you don't need to. I hardly want you to go out of your way for me.
Yeah, but you didn't know. Maybe it seems obvious now, but I thought it meant the same thing and I have a role.
[ But he frowns at that last sentence and turns his head to bite Sholmes in the ear. It's not incredibly hard, but it's certainly a bit. ]
For being so smart, you're also an idiot. Be more selfish with me. I want you to be. I don't want you wallowing alone. How would you feel if I said that exact same thing to you? Wouldn't you be annoyed with me if you heard that?
I want you to rely on me, Sholmes. Old habits might be hard to break, but you're not in it alone. You're not waiting for someone... I'm here with you.
[ He's not implying that one is better than the other. Not at all. Just that he gets that Sholmes has years of not being able to ask for more. So he's putting himself at his feet. ]
I've asked you for things. Please ask the same. No matter what it is. Big or small.
[It really is selfish. It is nothing but selfish. And that's why he's never asked for more. Even for the longest time, he refused to let Iris call him a father. Because he wasn't. That wasn't fair to her. He didn't deserve it.]
[He has to be a great detective for the people. There's no great detective for him. That's just his lot, after all.]
[He stares at the other for a moment, before nodding, dimly.]
...It is hard for me to ask anything of you. I always feel like I must put your happiness before my own. [...] But you're right. You're here for me just as much as I am here for you. So...I'll try. I'll try my best.
[ To him, Sholmes deserves this. He's suffered enough. He lets all his mistakes haunt him and never lets himself have what he wants.
While Kotetsu might not be some great detective for Sholmes, having a hero there isn't so bad, right? ]
Sholmes... I want your happiness first, too. So, you might not realize it, you relying on me is part of my happiness. It's in me to want to protect you.
[ He sighs a little, gently nudging Sholmes. ]
What am I fighting for if I can't make the person I love happy as well? To make sure he's satisfied and has what he truly wants.
[ He believes with every bit of him that Sholmes deserves a place to rest, too. Somewhere he'll feel safe and secure. A place where he isn't afraid of that person leaving him for an unknown amount of time, only to return and leave again.
He wants Sholmes to learn to forgive himself. To learn that he can ask for things and not have to be flippant with his behavior at least around one person.
He hopes Sholmes understands this. That he's seen some of the depths of what he's felt. That he'll keep accepting everything to the bottom. ]
And thank you, for letting me in. I know it's been hard for you, but I'm grateful to be with you.
[He is very, very careful as he leans in to press a kiss on the other's cheek. Strong, wonderful, powerful Kotetsu. A hero, through and through. Someone who works so hard for everyone's happiness.]
[It is incredibly, horribly difficult to let anyone in. And yet Kotetsu is here, and he looks at this man, and knows he trusts him, beyond belief, beyond anything here. Xie Lian may be aggrieved that he put Kotetsu before everything, but...he can't help it. Any harm to Kotetsu is like wounding him.]
And you're mine. That's why I want you to shine as bright as you can.
[ He's equally grateful to Sholmes. While he would have kept pushing forward in this situation no matter what, it wouldn't have been the same. He knows this place would have changed him. Hurt him deeper.
He probably would have destroyed himself without a place to rest. But none of that matters. What matters now is that he's here with Sholmes. He has his solace.
He shifts a little, being careful not to jostle Irene, or press his wound against Sholmes, but he kisses him. Soft and sweet. ]
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People have their biases and people they hold fiercely close over others. He moves one hand from Irene to reach back and tug the hat off of Sholmes so that he can properly, awkwardly, thread his fingers through his hair. ]
Maybe I'm being petty, but I don't think you should be the one needing to get back in his "good graces." Yours was an honest mistake from information that we weren't given. All of us messed up not asking enough questions and taking things on blind faith that it'd be okay.
[ He screwed up with the limit thing, too. ]
All of us did things wrong. I don't want you taking all the blame for it, but that's exactly what they're doing. It isn't fair to you and it makes me pretty frustrated at them.
...I told Yuri I started to doubt my choice of joining the roles at all.
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[He leans into that touch, but the heartache is still there, because he wanted this to work out. He wanted to help. And now, Xie Lian is mad at him.]
You...what? [He raises his head, surprised.] What did he say to that?
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[ He promises. He'll address what he almost derailed them into. There's other important things first. But he keeps petting Sholmes and Irene. ]
Maybe you did, but it's in your nature to be like that, isn't it? Wanting to find things out. Always searching for answers. Trying to solve the case. I know you've been wanting to get everyone to their rightful place since the start. Your heart means well.
We just didn't have answers...
[ He pauses to think. ]
Where are you going to be sleeping tonight?
[ Because he doubts someone is going back to their room... ]
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[The road to hell is paved with good intentions, after all.]
Hm? Oh. [A frown.] I...don't know. Maybe the chapel. I don't think I could stand facing him again for a second time today.
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[ Oh, how true that is... But he also frowns. ]
I'll ask Diluc if he's okay with you staying with us. He's a good guy, so it'd probably be okay. If not... guess it looks like we'll be spending the night in the chapel together.
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[And he frowns.]
Kotetsu, you don't need to. I hardly want you to go out of your way for me.
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[ But he frowns at that last sentence and turns his head to bite Sholmes in the ear. It's not incredibly hard, but it's certainly a bit. ]
For being so smart, you're also an idiot. Be more selfish with me. I want you to be. I don't want you wallowing alone. How would you feel if I said that exact same thing to you? Wouldn't you be annoyed with me if you heard that?
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[He jolts at the bite, face flushing.]
S-Selfish? [He boggles at Kotetsu for a moment, holding a hand to his ear.] Well...yes, if you said such a thing...I suppose...
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[ He's not implying that one is better than the other. Not at all. Just that he gets that Sholmes has years of not being able to ask for more. So he's putting himself at his feet. ]
I've asked you for things. Please ask the same. No matter what it is. Big or small.
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[It really is selfish. It is nothing but selfish. And that's why he's never asked for more. Even for the longest time, he refused to let Iris call him a father. Because he wasn't. That wasn't fair to her. He didn't deserve it.]
[He has to be a great detective for the people. There's no great detective for him. That's just his lot, after all.]
[He stares at the other for a moment, before nodding, dimly.]
...It is hard for me to ask anything of you. I always feel like I must put your happiness before my own. [...] But you're right. You're here for me just as much as I am here for you. So...I'll try. I'll try my best.
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[ To him, Sholmes deserves this. He's suffered enough. He lets all his mistakes haunt him and never lets himself have what he wants.
While Kotetsu might not be some great detective for Sholmes, having a hero there isn't so bad, right? ]
Sholmes... I want your happiness first, too. So, you might not realize it, you relying on me is part of my happiness. It's in me to want to protect you.
[ He sighs a little, gently nudging Sholmes. ]
What am I fighting for if I can't make the person I love happy as well? To make sure he's satisfied and has what he truly wants.
[ No matter what it is. ]
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[He sniffs - he's really trying not to cry all over again.]
You really are... [He sounds choked up.] You really are...my hero. And my love. You're so kind to me.
[He can't believe it, some days. To have someone like Kotetsu in his life, brilliant as he is.]
So thank you. For everything.
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[ He believes with every bit of him that Sholmes deserves a place to rest, too. Somewhere he'll feel safe and secure. A place where he isn't afraid of that person leaving him for an unknown amount of time, only to return and leave again.
He wants Sholmes to learn to forgive himself. To learn that he can ask for things and not have to be flippant with his behavior at least around one person.
He hopes Sholmes understands this. That he's seen some of the depths of what he's felt. That he'll keep accepting everything to the bottom. ]
And thank you, for letting me in. I know it's been hard for you, but I'm grateful to be with you.
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[He is very, very careful as he leans in to press a kiss on the other's cheek. Strong, wonderful, powerful Kotetsu. A hero, through and through. Someone who works so hard for everyone's happiness.]
[It is incredibly, horribly difficult to let anyone in. And yet Kotetsu is here, and he looks at this man, and knows he trusts him, beyond belief, beyond anything here. Xie Lian may be aggrieved that he put Kotetsu before everything, but...he can't help it. Any harm to Kotetsu is like wounding him.]
[Its like they move as one.]
You are my star, Kotetsu.
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[ He's equally grateful to Sholmes. While he would have kept pushing forward in this situation no matter what, it wouldn't have been the same. He knows this place would have changed him. Hurt him deeper.
He probably would have destroyed himself without a place to rest. But none of that matters. What matters now is that he's here with Sholmes. He has his solace.
He shifts a little, being careful not to jostle Irene, or press his wound against Sholmes, but he kisses him. Soft and sweet. ]