yuri catchall

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[senjinrouha]

It’s not.

[ being forced to do something and actively choosing to do it? those are very different. but they ultimately come down to the same end point. ]

But it doesn’t make one harder than the other, ultimately.

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It doesn't.

[ he sighs, rubbing his neck softly. ]

I'm not really used to this kind of justice. [ it feels weird for him to even call it that, but. ]

But you're strong, being able to do that and keep going.

[senjinrouha]

Justice means a lot of things to a lot of people. I don’t think my “justice” is exactly good.

The Don didn’t deserve to die — but he had his principles, and he had a debt to pay so that was how he chose to do it. It was the only way he could’ve. Rules and laws are messed up wherever you go. In some places more than others.

[ … ]

I don’t think so. Not really.

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Losing that pride would be worse than death...

[ he sighs, not at all pleased by this ]

Why do you say that?

[senjinrouha]

...? About Justice, or...?

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The "I don't think so" part.

[senjinrouha]

It’s not like you really have a choice, is it? Life goes on either way. I’m not gonna do myself or anyone any good if I sit there and hyperfocus on what happened.

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[ that... strikes a cord with him and he nods absently. ]

...Yeah. I understand that feeling. But it's also easy to sink into that feeling.

[senjinrouha]

Sink into it? Like... lose yourself to it?

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Exactly that.

[senjinrouha]

…

Depends, I think. Circumstantially and on you. You can take on too much, but sometimes you find out you can handle more than you thought.

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...

Yeah, it can be really surprising...

[senjinrouha]

I just think we get taught not to trust in what we can do, a lot of the time. [ not caring but actually caring so much is great. ]

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I thought I had a lot of confidence in myself until I got here.

[ well. kind of true. ]

[senjinrouha]

... Something here made you wobble?

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A lot's been happening. Sometimes I feel like I'm having a hard time keeping up.

[senjinrouha]

….



And?

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And I'm not always confident in the choices I've been making. It's fine. I've been working to keep up.

[senjinrouha]

Who is? I'm just winging it 90% of the time.

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[ okay, fair. he half laughs at that. ]

I guess it's easier when you realize most of us probably are.

[senjinrouha]

Yeah, we you realise we’re all just stumbling around confused, things are a lot less intimidating.

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I guess this is what they meant by an even playing field.

[senjinrouha]

A even number of people just trying to figure out what the hell’s going on. Yeah.

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[ oh. that's really cute. he's amused and isn't going to correct him. ]

Yeah.. yeah, we are.

[senjinrouha]

[ what is he even being corrected on. ]

Oh well. We’ll figure it out. We don’t have much choice.