You didn't expect to ever wake again. But here you are, laying in a bed, in a hospital, bandages wrapped all over, left arm... gone.
Why are you alive...?
The question circles your mind like a curse. Forces you to remember the pain of the bite that tore a hole in your heart, relive the sensation of trying to escape but never being able to.
That's Death.
You know this without doubt.
That was death. You were the closest you have ever come to experiencing that finality.
The tears come without warning. Shaking, trembling, alone with these thoughts--why are you crying? Are you happy to be alive? Or are you regretting it? You don't know why.
You just can't stop shaking.
Like the lost and lonely child who cried out once before, you can't help long for that warm and comforting presence once again. The man who took you in, the one who was taken by Death... Mana, you want to cry out again. You don't dare to, not again.
Almost mechanically, you remove yourself from the hospital bed. Manage to escape the notice of the girl-like figure sleeping nearby. You slip out of the room, down the halls, like a ghost.
The way out is blocked, of course. You probably don't even have the strength to open a simple door, let alone this one.
A voice in the darkness confirms this.
Tiredly, you ask why it won't open. The person in the shadows explains--old protections and spells--and asks in return why you're there.
Dully, you admit there wasn't a reason, you just found yourself walking and ended up there. You want to know how to get past this door, but the only response to your question is another question. Why not just go back? What will you do if you can get to the other side? You don't know the answers to these questions, there's just one thought in your mind.
You can't stop here.
You must keep walking.
You don't want to stand still.
"Even without your left arm?"
This hits too close. The pain too recent. The terror of Death still clinging on.
The person in the shadows doesn't want to fight. You finally decide to ask after them. A member of the Black Order, leader of the Asian Division. You're given the offer to stay, to remain there as a personnel, away from the battlefield but still taking part in the war in a way. Your left arm isn't needed for that sort of work, after all. It's a plausible and practical solution to the issue.
"If you do that, even God will not blame you."
You could laugh.
You do smile.
You also cry a little, the guilt of a sin never absolved still resting deep in your damaged heart.
It drives you forward, so you're slamming your damaged right hand against the door that will not move. You cry out, shout, declare your reasons for needing to return to the battlefield--oaths to yourself, to your friends, to this world, to your father. You've sworn oaths to them all--to destroy the akuma, to fight alongside them, to save it, to keep walking until you died. Your life is not your own. You've ensure this.
But the door doesn't budge. There's a bloody smear where you've been beating your fist.
"This is the only path I can take so I can feel alive..."
The leader of the Asian Branch approaches out of the shadows. He acknowledges your conviction, tells you something that has you in disbelief. You almost can't believe it. You want desperately to believe it.
The touch of Death slinks back to the shadowed corners of your mind and heart.
With these five words, your right to live is restored.
[ it's a jarring sensation, that brush of death. he takes a moment to bring the heel of his palm to brush away tears that crept in from living through the memory, even with muted words. ]
Exorcists, the Black Order that's a secret of the Church, fight with the holy weapon Innocence against the Millennium Earl, the Noah, and his terrible machines the akuma.
I was in China with my comrades heading east to find my master, a general. Some things happened, and... while injured, a Noah found me. Tore off my arm and destroyed the solid form of my Innocence. I thought it had been destroyed, but... [he lifts his left hand, flexing it a bit.]
Parasitic Innocence means it isn't just my arm, but into my body a little. So even though the Noah put a hole in my heart to kill me... the Innocence sealed the wound until it healed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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... here, of all places?
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[ he half shrugs, Finley is peering at Rowan curiously ]
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[and now Rowan's pawing at something. something sparkly
oops.]
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You really have gone through a lot.
[ and this is even just one memory... ]
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I'm sorry.
[that words remain the most sincere ones he has, at least.]
I've been really trying to avoid those things.
[the shards or showing his hand on this? both. it's both.]
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They've been really exposing some deep memories, haven't they? You don't have to apologize for it.
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But I guess it could've been worse.
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Worse than that? You really have been through a lot.
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Well. There is what happened to put me in that position, after all.
[and even worse than that judging by how he absolutely refuses to let up on his smile.]
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It's not really so different from this place, really. Only... more chaotic.
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Exorcists, the Black Order that's a secret of the Church, fight with the holy weapon Innocence against the Millennium Earl, the Noah, and his terrible machines the akuma.
I was in China with my comrades heading east to find my master, a general. Some things happened, and... while injured, a Noah found me. Tore off my arm and destroyed the solid form of my Innocence. I thought it had been destroyed, but... [he lifts his left hand, flexing it a bit.]
Parasitic Innocence means it isn't just my arm, but into my body a little. So even though the Noah put a hole in my heart to kill me... the Innocence sealed the wound until it healed.
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That sounds like... a lot.
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... anyway, I'm fine, now.
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[POSITIVES TO LOSING ARM: GET BETTER ARM!]
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Haven't had a problem with it since.
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