They were attacking me, too. I got their attention off of Kaede. Finley helped. One of them went after me... One of them went after Finley. Until I was unable to fight. The one left me to go after Kaede.
Finley... She's...
[ He takes in a breath to even himself. ]
I died because Finley was killed. [ He looks to the side, fixing his gaze on a single point. ] I felt my soul being torn to shreds and couldn't do anything to stop it.
[ Finley's shivering eases as she burrows against Sholmes, soaking up that attention and love. A shiver runs through Kotetsu as that feeling soothes him. Some of the tension in his body eases. Perhaps it's not a direct touch, but this is much more intimate than that.
After what happened, it should be very obvious how much it means that Kotetsu lets anyone touch his soul, daemon or otherwise. That lingering fear of her getting hurt and that pain that is felt through their bond. ]
It's fine... It was harder to see Kaede dying while Finley turned to dust.
[ He sure did die at the same time as his "daughter." Helpless from the pain of his soul being damaged, watching both of them being torn to pieces and unable to do anything.
[ There's a weak nod, but he leans a bit to at least rest against Sholmes some. He was fine when they were shoulder to shoulder, so it's likely... connected to the injuries. They'd have to be careful if they wanted to be close. ]
I know... I know... You're here with me.
[ He shifts a bit, trying to reach out toward Irene. While he can't pull her close to his chest, he wants to hold her anyway.
Finley relaxes more in Sholmes' touch, the last of the shivering easing out. She's safe. She feels so safe and protected here. ]
[He leans back a little against Kotetsu, happy to provide him something, anything, After the weight of today, feeling like a failure...he can't fail at this. He just can't. He presses a kiss against Finley's head.]
[Irene shifts - this time, into her beagle form, not one she usually turns into. She allows herself to be hugged, whimpering, and licks at Kotetsu's face. Sholmes sighs - it feels so warm, deep inside, to be held like this.]
[ This comfort. From both Sholmes and his soul... it's like being wrapped in a warm blanket on a cold, harsh day. He lets his head lean back a little to rest against Sholmes'.
He pets Irene's head gently, accepting the kisses when she gives them and giving her a soft kiss on the nose. He's trying to be careful with the wound, not wanting to trigger that again for either of them. He settles her down into his lap to cradle her against his stomach, petting gently. ]
[He looks up just a little bit from where he's mostly focused on Finley, just trying to enjoy the warmth and feelings here as best as he can. Irene is more than happy to deliver happy dog kisses until she's moved into his lap, where she turns and sits, tail wagging.]
[ He gently pets Irene, glad to see her tail wagging like that.
In their position, he tries to nuzzle at Sholmes the best he can, but it's a pretty failed attempt from this angle. At least he tried. ]
I love you. And you continue to be my personal hero. Finley's afraid of being touched even by fellow daemons at this point and here you are holding her so softly in your arms. She feels safe. Secure. You're the only one that could do that.
[ He's far from being recovered from that trauma, but... sitting here with Sholmes? He feels some semblance of normal once again. ]
[He's silent for a moment, just letting those words sink in.]
He said my actions had caused grievous harm to others. Namely Baraqiel. The man is fond of them, as you are probably aware. By keeping this secret between us, and then hounding down other roles, I apparently had broken Mr. Escardos's two person limit, which causes the Watchers to weaken. Even if I didn't know, it still happened, as a result of my actions. He said to not beg for empathy and forgiveness from him, but from our masked benefactors.
[And a sigh.]
And apparently, earlier, when I had told him whether he could understand having someone you would fight for, he thought I was talking down to him, as if he was a child. Really, I wasn't... [A shake of the head.] But then, when I brought up how he had hounded you for a role, and inadvertently became your second person to hit the limit, he became rather cross, and said my argument didn't make sense, since he was invited by Mr. Lowell to that meeting, and to never speak to him in that tone of voice again.
He said he forgave me, but it felt like quite a coldly given forgiveness. The man is as fiercely defensive of his loved ones as I am. So I do not know...how in the world I'll get back in his good graces again.
[ He frowns at this. This is the last thing he'd expected from this meeting. Fractures happening, not them being united. He really was stupid to think this would work out.
People have their biases and people they hold fiercely close over others. He moves one hand from Irene to reach back and tug the hat off of Sholmes so that he can properly, awkwardly, thread his fingers through his hair. ]
Maybe I'm being petty, but I don't think you should be the one needing to get back in his "good graces." Yours was an honest mistake from information that we weren't given. All of us messed up not asking enough questions and taking things on blind faith that it'd be okay.
[ He screwed up with the limit thing, too. ]
All of us did things wrong. I don't want you taking all the blame for it, but that's exactly what they're doing. It isn't fair to you and it makes me pretty frustrated at them.
...I told Yuri I started to doubt my choice of joining the roles at all.
I did hound Mr. Escardos for his role, when he let things slip. Same with Mr. Lowell, though that was more of him asking if I had a role and then not providing anything in return...anyways, I made mistakes. I did. I will not pretend I didn't. I didn't think it would lead to this. I never wanted anyone, let alone the Watchers, to be hurt.
[He leans into that touch, but the heartache is still there, because he wanted this to work out. He wanted to help. And now, Xie Lian is mad at him.]
You...what? [He raises his head, surprised.] What did he say to that?
[ He promises. He'll address what he almost derailed them into. There's other important things first. But he keeps petting Sholmes and Irene. ]
Maybe you did, but it's in your nature to be like that, isn't it? Wanting to find things out. Always searching for answers. Trying to solve the case. I know you've been wanting to get everyone to their rightful place since the start. Your heart means well.
We just didn't have answers...
[ He pauses to think. ]
Where are you going to be sleeping tonight?
[ Because he doubts someone is going back to their room... ]
Maybe, but everyone makes those mistakes, too. I've hurt loved ones before out of trying to protect them. Even great detectives make mistakes. Don't think you're the only one to blame.
[ Oh, how true that is... But he also frowns. ]
I'll ask Diluc if he's okay with you staying with us. He's a good guy, so it'd probably be okay. If not... guess it looks like we'll be spending the night in the chapel together.
Also, Xie Lian made a point that I should have known after the incident with Mr. Van Zieks. Even though I assumed it meant one shouldn't speak in public, merely private...
[And he frowns.]
Kotetsu, you don't need to. I hardly want you to go out of your way for me.
Yeah, but you didn't know. Maybe it seems obvious now, but I thought it meant the same thing and I have a role.
[ But he frowns at that last sentence and turns his head to bite Sholmes in the ear. It's not incredibly hard, but it's certainly a bit. ]
For being so smart, you're also an idiot. Be more selfish with me. I want you to be. I don't want you wallowing alone. How would you feel if I said that exact same thing to you? Wouldn't you be annoyed with me if you heard that?
I want you to rely on me, Sholmes. Old habits might be hard to break, but you're not in it alone. You're not waiting for someone... I'm here with you.
[ He's not implying that one is better than the other. Not at all. Just that he gets that Sholmes has years of not being able to ask for more. So he's putting himself at his feet. ]
I've asked you for things. Please ask the same. No matter what it is. Big or small.
[It really is selfish. It is nothing but selfish. And that's why he's never asked for more. Even for the longest time, he refused to let Iris call him a father. Because he wasn't. That wasn't fair to her. He didn't deserve it.]
[He has to be a great detective for the people. There's no great detective for him. That's just his lot, after all.]
[He stares at the other for a moment, before nodding, dimly.]
...It is hard for me to ask anything of you. I always feel like I must put your happiness before my own. [...] But you're right. You're here for me just as much as I am here for you. So...I'll try. I'll try my best.
[ To him, Sholmes deserves this. He's suffered enough. He lets all his mistakes haunt him and never lets himself have what he wants.
While Kotetsu might not be some great detective for Sholmes, having a hero there isn't so bad, right? ]
Sholmes... I want your happiness first, too. So, you might not realize it, you relying on me is part of my happiness. It's in me to want to protect you.
[ He sighs a little, gently nudging Sholmes. ]
What am I fighting for if I can't make the person I love happy as well? To make sure he's satisfied and has what he truly wants.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[If it was to Kaede...?]
W-Why is Finley reacting like that? Kotetsu?
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Finley... She's...
[ He takes in a breath to even himself. ]
I died because Finley was killed. [ He looks to the side, fixing his gaze on a single point. ] I felt my soul being torn to shreds and couldn't do anything to stop it.
[ So. He'd felt the joy of his soul dying. ]
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[He's putting his hand down to gently go over to Finley. If he can't touch Kotetsu...then this will have to do.]
[He tries to scoop her up in his arms, holding her. Giving her warmth. She's here. She's alive.]
I'm so sorry. You should have never gone through that.
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After what happened, it should be very obvious how much it means that Kotetsu lets anyone touch his soul, daemon or otherwise. That lingering fear of her getting hurt and that pain that is felt through their bond. ]
It's fine... It was harder to see Kaede dying while Finley turned to dust.
[ He sure did die at the same time as his "daughter." Helpless from the pain of his soul being damaged, watching both of them being torn to pieces and unable to do anything.
Both were equally hard to experience. ]
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How horrible. This place plays tricks on us all, trying to torment us...
[He lets out a shuddering sigh.]
My dear. My dear Kotetsu. You are here now. And you should never experience anything like it again.
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I know... I know... You're here with me.
[ He shifts a bit, trying to reach out toward Irene. While he can't pull her close to his chest, he wants to hold her anyway.
Finley relaxes more in Sholmes' touch, the last of the shivering easing out. She's safe. She feels so safe and protected here. ]
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[He leans back a little against Kotetsu, happy to provide him something, anything, After the weight of today, feeling like a failure...he can't fail at this. He just can't. He presses a kiss against Finley's head.]
[Irene shifts - this time, into her beagle form, not one she usually turns into. She allows herself to be hugged, whimpering, and licks at Kotetsu's face. Sholmes sighs - it feels so warm, deep inside, to be held like this.]
[Kotetsu is like the sun to him.]
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He pets Irene's head gently, accepting the kisses when she gives them and giving her a soft kiss on the nose. He's trying to be careful with the wound, not wanting to trigger that again for either of them. He settles her down into his lap to cradle her against his stomach, petting gently. ]
Hey Sholmes... Guess what?
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[He looks up just a little bit from where he's mostly focused on Finley, just trying to enjoy the warmth and feelings here as best as he can. Irene is more than happy to deliver happy dog kisses until she's moved into his lap, where she turns and sits, tail wagging.]
What is it?
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In their position, he tries to nuzzle at Sholmes the best he can, but it's a pretty failed attempt from this angle. At least he tried. ]
I love you. And you continue to be my personal hero. Finley's afraid of being touched even by fellow daemons at this point and here you are holding her so softly in your arms. She feels safe. Secure. You're the only one that could do that.
[ He's far from being recovered from that trauma, but... sitting here with Sholmes? He feels some semblance of normal once again. ]
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[Ah, how much his heart hurts, and how much it soars, to hear him say that.]
...I'm glad. [And he's crying again. He can't help it.] I'm glad I can...truly and honestly help someone I love so much.
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You do. All the time. No matter what anyone else says. You're my ally and partner, in every sense.
[ He knows the weight of partner between them. But it's true for him. Sholmes is someone he cannot imagine ever living without again. ]
...Before, when I tried to hug you. You were talking about Xie Lian... What happened?
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[He's silent for a moment, just letting those words sink in.]
He said my actions had caused grievous harm to others. Namely Baraqiel. The man is fond of them, as you are probably aware. By keeping this secret between us, and then hounding down other roles, I apparently had broken Mr. Escardos's two person limit, which causes the Watchers to weaken. Even if I didn't know, it still happened, as a result of my actions. He said to not beg for empathy and forgiveness from him, but from our masked benefactors.
[And a sigh.]
And apparently, earlier, when I had told him whether he could understand having someone you would fight for, he thought I was talking down to him, as if he was a child. Really, I wasn't... [A shake of the head.] But then, when I brought up how he had hounded you for a role, and inadvertently became your second person to hit the limit, he became rather cross, and said my argument didn't make sense, since he was invited by Mr. Lowell to that meeting, and to never speak to him in that tone of voice again.
He said he forgave me, but it felt like quite a coldly given forgiveness. The man is as fiercely defensive of his loved ones as I am. So I do not know...how in the world I'll get back in his good graces again.
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People have their biases and people they hold fiercely close over others. He moves one hand from Irene to reach back and tug the hat off of Sholmes so that he can properly, awkwardly, thread his fingers through his hair. ]
Maybe I'm being petty, but I don't think you should be the one needing to get back in his "good graces." Yours was an honest mistake from information that we weren't given. All of us messed up not asking enough questions and taking things on blind faith that it'd be okay.
[ He screwed up with the limit thing, too. ]
All of us did things wrong. I don't want you taking all the blame for it, but that's exactly what they're doing. It isn't fair to you and it makes me pretty frustrated at them.
...I told Yuri I started to doubt my choice of joining the roles at all.
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[He leans into that touch, but the heartache is still there, because he wanted this to work out. He wanted to help. And now, Xie Lian is mad at him.]
You...what? [He raises his head, surprised.] What did he say to that?
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[ He promises. He'll address what he almost derailed them into. There's other important things first. But he keeps petting Sholmes and Irene. ]
Maybe you did, but it's in your nature to be like that, isn't it? Wanting to find things out. Always searching for answers. Trying to solve the case. I know you've been wanting to get everyone to their rightful place since the start. Your heart means well.
We just didn't have answers...
[ He pauses to think. ]
Where are you going to be sleeping tonight?
[ Because he doubts someone is going back to their room... ]
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[The road to hell is paved with good intentions, after all.]
Hm? Oh. [A frown.] I...don't know. Maybe the chapel. I don't think I could stand facing him again for a second time today.
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[ Oh, how true that is... But he also frowns. ]
I'll ask Diluc if he's okay with you staying with us. He's a good guy, so it'd probably be okay. If not... guess it looks like we'll be spending the night in the chapel together.
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[And he frowns.]
Kotetsu, you don't need to. I hardly want you to go out of your way for me.
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[ But he frowns at that last sentence and turns his head to bite Sholmes in the ear. It's not incredibly hard, but it's certainly a bit. ]
For being so smart, you're also an idiot. Be more selfish with me. I want you to be. I don't want you wallowing alone. How would you feel if I said that exact same thing to you? Wouldn't you be annoyed with me if you heard that?
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[He jolts at the bite, face flushing.]
S-Selfish? [He boggles at Kotetsu for a moment, holding a hand to his ear.] Well...yes, if you said such a thing...I suppose...
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[ He's not implying that one is better than the other. Not at all. Just that he gets that Sholmes has years of not being able to ask for more. So he's putting himself at his feet. ]
I've asked you for things. Please ask the same. No matter what it is. Big or small.
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[It really is selfish. It is nothing but selfish. And that's why he's never asked for more. Even for the longest time, he refused to let Iris call him a father. Because he wasn't. That wasn't fair to her. He didn't deserve it.]
[He has to be a great detective for the people. There's no great detective for him. That's just his lot, after all.]
[He stares at the other for a moment, before nodding, dimly.]
...It is hard for me to ask anything of you. I always feel like I must put your happiness before my own. [...] But you're right. You're here for me just as much as I am here for you. So...I'll try. I'll try my best.
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[ To him, Sholmes deserves this. He's suffered enough. He lets all his mistakes haunt him and never lets himself have what he wants.
While Kotetsu might not be some great detective for Sholmes, having a hero there isn't so bad, right? ]
Sholmes... I want your happiness first, too. So, you might not realize it, you relying on me is part of my happiness. It's in me to want to protect you.
[ He sighs a little, gently nudging Sholmes. ]
What am I fighting for if I can't make the person I love happy as well? To make sure he's satisfied and has what he truly wants.
[ No matter what it is. ]
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[He sniffs - he's really trying not to cry all over again.]
You really are... [He sounds choked up.] You really are...my hero. And my love. You're so kind to me.
[He can't believe it, some days. To have someone like Kotetsu in his life, brilliant as he is.]
So thank you. For everything.
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