sholmes catchall

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[greatdeduction]

[His expression hardens, slightly.]

...If only I could ask others to simply forget things at will. [And he's looking away.] Then again, I suppose you must think the same.

[He was Vulnerable. He doesn't like Vulnerable.]

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[ He lets the silence linger for a long moment after that question. He doesn't know how to answer that. ]

I don't know how to respond to that.

[ His arms cross over his chest and he leans his head to one side making a "hm" sound. ]

It felt like a sigh of relief after so many years.

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...

[Sorry, his expression is just growing harder, more distant.]

It reminded me of a happier time. [And a slow sigh.] But in my experience, one cannot repeat the past.

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No, you can't.

[ He crosses the gap between them, not completely invading his space. ]

And I'm not asking for that. I don't even know what I'm asking for anymore.

[ But he does reach out and jabs Sholmes right in the chest. ]

But what I do know is that after all that, I don't want to leave you alone, either.

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[He startles at the poke to his chest, not expecting the man to break over the personal bubble hanging between them. His expression shifts - surprise, then disbelief, then something crushing and deep and sad, and then back to something bordering on neutral, his eyebrows furrowed.]

...Why?

[Is the word he says, in reply, quiet.]

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[ There's almost a helpless shrug in response at first. ]

I don't fully know what I feel right now. I'm pretty awkward with all that and just go with my gut. You should know that by now.

[ He scratches his cheek a little bit, debating what words to say. Sholmes did tell him to use his brain a bit more, something he's been criticized about before. ]

There's a lot I said and a lot of promises. Maybe it was because of this place, but I feel like I'd have some kind of lingering regret just dropping it without figuring things out with you.

[greatdeduction]

...Can the things said while under such a spell truly matter?

[It's not an accusatory question. Honestly, it almost sounds like something he's asking himself.]

Mr. Kotetsu, you must realize...I can't give you everything what you expect of me. Lingering regrets or not.

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I already told you, I'm not expecting anything.

[ But there is a bit of a sad smile at that. ]

Are you telling me none of that matters to you now? And I want an honest answer.

[ Granted, he knows he can't get an honest answer for certain, but he'll ask for it anyway. ]

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...

[It's so easy to just push it aside. It was just a spell. Someone convinced him into thinking a certain way. It was a lie.]

[But was all he said, when everything seemed so rosy and so sweet, not real? Was it?]

[He's frowning again.]

I don't know. [...] I'm not...the type of man who just opens himself up like a book, you understand.

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I'm normally not, either. I know I talked to you a bit about my past before all that happened, but not like that.

[ He sighs again, rubbing his neck awkwardly. ]

But I also don't regret it.

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...

[He looks away.]

It would be easier if you did.

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Maybe, but I'm not going to lie about it. I'm kind of stubborn like that.

[ His hand squeezes tight for a moment before he reaches out to lightly place it on Sholmes' shoulder. ]

But maybe that makes me kind of an idiot.

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...It's a surprise you can think with that lack of brain you have.

[It's an insult that's delivered in almost a lax, deadpan way - there's no actual sincerity behind it, just a vaguely amused tone.]

But more seriously... [And he looks down at the hand on his shoulder.] I cannot say I can bring much to the shared table, here, Mr. Kotetsu.

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And what's that supposed to mean exactly? I need it a little more straightforward.

[ Unless he shakes him off, he's not removing his hand just yet. ]

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We can't...

[He starts, stops. Almost looks pained, for a moment.]

I can't repeat the things we did. [...] And quite honestly, I don't know what I can offer you in return.

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[ There's a moment's thought here, but for the moment he just grabs his arm. If Sholmes will allow it, he's going to be dragging him into the Solar. To that painfully familiar couch to sit down with him. But if Sholmes puts up resistance, he'll stop. ]

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W-What are you doing?

[After getting over the initial surprise, he is dragged until he sees that couch - but the sight of it makes him frown and he resists, trying to pull himself out of the man's grip.]

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[ He lets go, but since they're already partially in there and the couch is in sight. He points at it. ]

Are you sure you're not just running away?

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...

[He looks at the couch, and looks away almost instantly.]

I can't do this.

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Why not?

[ He's staring hard at him. He feels he deserves some answers, at least. ]

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...Van Zieks, for one, but.

[Now, he just looks pained.]

I have someone...someone dear to me who I will always wait for, despite the utter fool that I am. One simply can't...look away from that.

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[ He'd forgotten about him for a moment. But of course... Sholmes wouldn't. He looks down now as he lifts his hand to look at his finger with the ring. He feels his chest squeezing tight at that and takes in a slow, almost shaking breath. This topic still hurts, but... ]

I'd never ask you to look away from that. But I wanted to be honest with you here. Wanted to... not run away. For Tomoe's sake. It still hurts, the shock of having gotten the call that she died while I was out doing the duty. She made me promise to keep doing my job.

I still love her deeply and I'd never forget her. But I also know that she wouldn't want me to try to reach for happiness.

[ His shoulders go slack and he drops down on the sofa, staring at the ground. ]

But it'd be selfish to make you do anything.

[ He does slowly lift his head and gives a weak little laugh. ]

For what it's worth, I said I wouldn't leave. I won't force it, but just know you're not alone.

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...

[He listens to all of that quietly. Kotetsu's wife...yes. A deep source of pain. He can understand that. But understanding doesn't make it easier.]

[He just runs a hand down his face. He feels..,tired to his core.]

I repeat myself, Mr. Kotetsu. I have...nothing to offer you.

[He doesn't think he can. Why would he? He may be a great detective, but that's hardly something notable in circumstances like this.]

I don't think I have the happiness you deserve to reach out for.

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[ He reaches out to take Sholmes' hand. He knows it might be very personal to touch him like that, but the touch is... soft. Akin to what he'd shown him over the last two days, but not as intimately toned. ]

That's the assumption you keep going on. Like you're expecting me to want something grand or some kind of show. I've seen under that mask of yours and I wasn't disappointed in what I saw.

If anything, that's what made me stick around.

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There's no mask.

[Of course not.]

[He looks down at their hands. His own grip is still loose.]

If you keep looking at a man who will always look at another, how will you be happy?