I wanted you there. If they're going to insist on Xie Lian being some kind of proxy for them... well, that's not what I agreed on. I get along with him, I have a fair amount of trust in him. But you... you're the only one I feel like I can truly trust here.
[ He really hates this feeling?? Like, a lot. And the fact that the things happened today really didn't help. ]
I'm mad that it happened like that.
[ And very uncharacteristically around Sholmes, Finley actually shifts to her rabbit form, since she is limited from one of her forms. The dragon making a startled little sound as it flies to land on something nearby. ]
Well, I don't think he trusts me, after everything.
[Which sort of hurts, because he likes Xie Lian, but apparently, he gravely insulted the man.]
Ah. [At Finley, changing - Irene flies down to brush her beak over the other's head.] Anyways...I made decisions based on limited information. So that is on me, regardless. They are right to be angry about that.
[ It's almost like he finds it to be a personal insult? Calm down, Kotetsu. He's going to move to a nearby seat and sink down on it, dropping the crutch to the side and puts his head in his hands and sighs slowly. Finley lightly noses at Irene sadly. ]
They didn't have to do that to you right then. Not like that. And I just stood there and didn't even say anything.
[ He didn't know what he could say or even if he should say something. He wanted to defend Sholmes... and he didn't. ]
[ Finley presses close to Irene, letting herself be shielded by the wing... best she can with her huge ass body.
Kotetsu drops his hands from his face and leans just enough for their shoulders to touch. ]
No. I don't think so. It was also my choice to stay away. I didn't want to be found. IF I hadn't told you when I had... I doubt I would have told anyone until the end.
None of this is your fault. I dragged you into this entire mess. [ Both today ... and the entire role sharing. ]
That isn't your fault, Shomles. They barely give us any information and we're expected to know everything? What we're supposed to ask and not ask?
I didn't have any idea that you could only share this with two people. I might not have agreed to let Xie Lian there today, if I knew. And now I'm stuck with that choice.
You wanted to help. You wanted answers. It's in your nature to be inquisitive and dig into anything you can. How the hell were you supposed to know it could hurt someone? You couldn't. Don't blame yourself for that. And they're wrong for blaming you.
[ His head drops down weakly, tired. ]
I don't blame you for any of this. Please, believe me, at least.
[ He wants to hug him. He wants to hug him so bad... so he doesn't care about the blood that's soaking him. Unfortunately for him, he has no idea what this will bring forth.
He feels the pain of being slashes across the front by that monster all over again. More severe than he felt it at the time because of the power and adrenaline that was coursing through him.
He recoils away from Sholmes, sharp enough that he falls on the ground. His body reliving not only the physical trauma, but snapping him right back to that moment. He holds his hand over his chest, shoulders heaving as he breathes heavy. ]
[ Maybe if this pain wasn't so strongly associated with that memory he wouldn't have reacted so sharply and while Finley is okay, the emotional trauma she feels makes her dart away from Irene and hide behind Kotetsu.
His hands start to shake a bit, shaking his head and trying to break himself from the pain, but more so from the image that's haunting him now. He can hear her screaming all over again. ]
[He manages to lifts his head, shaking like a leaf, before he leans forward - he falls onto his knees on the ground, and crawls over to Kotetsu, his concern for him outweighing his pain.]
Kotetsu.... [He reaches out to grasp his hand.] Kotetsu, I-I'm here, Kotetsu....
[ That hand... he instantly grabs back at Sholmes as if he's trying to ground himself with that simple touch.
He lifts his gaze to try to focus on Sholmes, chest rising and falling sharply as he's trying desperately to calm down. His free hand weakly reaches out to touch Sholmes' cheek. ]
[ He laughs, bitterly and lets his head drop down. The pressure weakens on the touch to Sholmes' cheek and his hand. It's a good thing Sholmes is holding both, though.
He can't help the tears forming and dropping down to his lap. Maybe this is self-pity and wallowing, but he's so sick of this. He's always lived by the motto to keep going, no matter what. That even if you unplug the power, you do things manually. Never give up.
He feels like he can't even help Sholmes with his problems right now. He can even hold him close. ]
I shouldn't have. I can't... I can't even help you. What am I even doing?
[ He can feel Finley butting against his back, trying to burrow, but she can't. It's not like he can pull her back inside of him. ]
I... You're the one that's hurting. Don't worry about me.
[ He swallows hard, trying to shove all of that back down into the pit of his stomach. Sholmes went through so much shit today, he doesn't need to bring up more or make it about himself. ]
They were attacking me, too. I got their attention off of Kaede. Finley helped. One of them went after me... One of them went after Finley. Until I was unable to fight. The one left me to go after Kaede.
Finley... She's...
[ He takes in a breath to even himself. ]
I died because Finley was killed. [ He looks to the side, fixing his gaze on a single point. ] I felt my soul being torn to shreds and couldn't do anything to stop it.
[ Finley's shivering eases as she burrows against Sholmes, soaking up that attention and love. A shiver runs through Kotetsu as that feeling soothes him. Some of the tension in his body eases. Perhaps it's not a direct touch, but this is much more intimate than that.
After what happened, it should be very obvious how much it means that Kotetsu lets anyone touch his soul, daemon or otherwise. That lingering fear of her getting hurt and that pain that is felt through their bond. ]
It's fine... It was harder to see Kaede dying while Finley turned to dust.
[ He sure did die at the same time as his "daughter." Helpless from the pain of his soul being damaged, watching both of them being torn to pieces and unable to do anything.
[ There's a weak nod, but he leans a bit to at least rest against Sholmes some. He was fine when they were shoulder to shoulder, so it's likely... connected to the injuries. They'd have to be careful if they wanted to be close. ]
I know... I know... You're here with me.
[ He shifts a bit, trying to reach out toward Irene. While he can't pull her close to his chest, he wants to hold her anyway.
Finley relaxes more in Sholmes' touch, the last of the shivering easing out. She's safe. She feels so safe and protected here. ]
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[ He really hates this feeling?? Like, a lot. And the fact that the things happened today really didn't help. ]
I'm mad that it happened like that.
[ And very uncharacteristically around Sholmes, Finley actually shifts to her rabbit form, since she is limited from one of her forms. The dragon making a startled little sound as it flies to land on something nearby. ]
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[Which sort of hurts, because he likes Xie Lian, but apparently, he gravely insulted the man.]
Ah. [At Finley, changing - Irene flies down to brush her beak over the other's head.] Anyways...I made decisions based on limited information. So that is on me, regardless. They are right to be angry about that.
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[ It's almost like he finds it to be a personal insult? Calm down, Kotetsu. He's going to move to a nearby seat and sink down on it, dropping the crutch to the side and puts his head in his hands and sighs slowly. Finley lightly noses at Irene sadly. ]
They didn't have to do that to you right then. Not like that. And I just stood there and didn't even say anything.
[ He didn't know what he could say or even if he should say something. He wanted to defend Sholmes... and he didn't. ]
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[Sholmes just stares straight ahead, drained.]
No, no. It's alright. You didn't need to say anything.
[And a pause.]
Kotetsu...did I make a mistake, keeping you away from them?
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Kotetsu drops his hands from his face and leans just enough for their shoulders to touch. ]
No. I don't think so. It was also my choice to stay away. I didn't want to be found. IF I hadn't told you when I had... I doubt I would have told anyone until the end.
None of this is your fault. I dragged you into this entire mess. [ Both today ... and the entire role sharing. ]
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[It isn't. It really isn't.]
I made mistakes on my own, by looking for roles. I couldn't help it. I didn't know of the rules. And instead I made things worse.
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I didn't have any idea that you could only share this with two people. I might not have agreed to let Xie Lian there today, if I knew. And now I'm stuck with that choice.
You wanted to help. You wanted answers. It's in your nature to be inquisitive and dig into anything you can. How the hell were you supposed to know it could hurt someone? You couldn't. Don't blame yourself for that. And they're wrong for blaming you.
[ His head drops down weakly, tired. ]
I don't blame you for any of this. Please, believe me, at least.
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[...]
[Sorry, Kotetsu, even after all of that he's just leaning forward and crying silently into his hands.]
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He feels the pain of being slashes across the front by that monster all over again. More severe than he felt it at the time because of the power and adrenaline that was coursing through him.
He recoils away from Sholmes, sharp enough that he falls on the ground. His body reliving not only the physical trauma, but snapping him right back to that moment. He holds his hand over his chest, shoulders heaving as he breathes heavy. ]
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[Oh, that is BAD that is SUPER BAD - and then it hits. He buckles over, pain erupting over his own chest.]
[He doesn't fall over like Kotetsu does, but he buckles, his whole body shuddering from the sheer agony that he's feeling.]
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His hands start to shake a bit, shaking his head and trying to break himself from the pain, but more so from the image that's haunting him now. He can hear her screaming all over again. ]
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[He manages to lifts his head, shaking like a leaf, before he leans forward - he falls onto his knees on the ground, and crawls over to Kotetsu, his concern for him outweighing his pain.]
Kotetsu.... [He reaches out to grasp his hand.] Kotetsu, I-I'm here, Kotetsu....
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He lifts his gaze to try to focus on Sholmes, chest rising and falling sharply as he's trying desperately to calm down. His free hand weakly reaches out to touch Sholmes' cheek. ]
I... S-Sorry... I had no... idea...
[ The guilt starts to settle into his features. ]
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[Ugh. What is this? First the wounds, and then...what? Some feedback from them?]
[He holds the other's hand on his cheek, trying to comfort.]
Don't apologize. You had no idea.
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He can't help the tears forming and dropping down to his lap. Maybe this is self-pity and wallowing, but he's so sick of this. He's always lived by the motto to keep going, no matter what. That even if you unplug the power, you do things manually. Never give up.
He feels like he can't even help Sholmes with his problems right now. He can even hold him close. ]
I shouldn't have. I can't... I can't even help you. What am I even doing?
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[It hurts to see Kotetsu pained like this. He shouldn't be so upset at this. What can he do? Just be there for him. Always be there for him.]
You are helping me now. Don't fret. Your existence strengthens mine.
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I... You're the one that's hurting. Don't worry about me.
[ He swallows hard, trying to shove all of that back down into the pit of his stomach. Sholmes went through so much shit today, he doesn't need to bring up more or make it about himself. ]
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[He notices Finley trying to burrow - Irene hops over to nudge her with her beak. Sholmes moves to kiss the palm of the other's hand.]
I'd rather talk about you than me. So please...what happened?
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This injury, it came from one of he monsters that had been attacking Kaede... not the dragon. The pain... I guess it brought me back to that moment.
[ Finley barely registers Irene's comforting. She's terrified right now. ]
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[If it was to Kaede...?]
W-Why is Finley reacting like that? Kotetsu?
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Finley... She's...
[ He takes in a breath to even himself. ]
I died because Finley was killed. [ He looks to the side, fixing his gaze on a single point. ] I felt my soul being torn to shreds and couldn't do anything to stop it.
[ So. He'd felt the joy of his soul dying. ]
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[He's putting his hand down to gently go over to Finley. If he can't touch Kotetsu...then this will have to do.]
[He tries to scoop her up in his arms, holding her. Giving her warmth. She's here. She's alive.]
I'm so sorry. You should have never gone through that.
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After what happened, it should be very obvious how much it means that Kotetsu lets anyone touch his soul, daemon or otherwise. That lingering fear of her getting hurt and that pain that is felt through their bond. ]
It's fine... It was harder to see Kaede dying while Finley turned to dust.
[ He sure did die at the same time as his "daughter." Helpless from the pain of his soul being damaged, watching both of them being torn to pieces and unable to do anything.
Both were equally hard to experience. ]
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How horrible. This place plays tricks on us all, trying to torment us...
[He lets out a shuddering sigh.]
My dear. My dear Kotetsu. You are here now. And you should never experience anything like it again.
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I know... I know... You're here with me.
[ He shifts a bit, trying to reach out toward Irene. While he can't pull her close to his chest, he wants to hold her anyway.
Finley relaxes more in Sholmes' touch, the last of the shivering easing out. She's safe. She feels so safe and protected here. ]
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